the name game

am i rejecting my roots just because i have an english name and i introduce myself as such? or are they the racist ones? just because i am chinese and i obviously look chinese, the only immediate logical assumption is that i picked this name for myself, trying to pass off as being from the western world, conforming to the idea of 'white supremacy' as a desperate attempt to assimilate into european culture? for some reason, unknown to me, it seems more and more that the people i talk to prefer my chinese name. its as if my look and my name has to match, it's as if i'm an inanimate object that has no choice and intelligence option as to what i want to be called. i'm not a lamp, a lamp is called a lamp, that's how we know it. but i am me. a person, living, breathing, with a working brain. so what if i picked the name karen, which i did not, it's on my passport, my parents gave me that name and i love it. and yes, i like my chinese name too, for some time i didn't i admit, but now i do. i love being chinese, and i love my name. but somehow the chinese name doesn't sound as poetic when you say it in its 'english way'. and i think when people hear me introduce myself as li yan, they hear it as leeann. and they go oh that's a much lovelier name for you. since when did you have the right to decide which name goes better with me, it's not a necklace or a blouse, it's my name. and furthermore, you're saying it wrong. it's li yan, 2 words, not one. but you know what, i'm just playing, i felt like writing something. i'm not making a big deal out of nothing, i just thought it was interesting. and i am gonna introduce myself as li yan from now on. that's gonna be fun. and.... i'm out!